Concern

Most of you who know my husband - know that Jim is not the most serious person in the world - heck, he may just be the least serious person I know. He is full of jokes and incredibly optimistic, quite the contrast to his pessimistic wife, but somehow we make things work! It is all of his quirks and personality that make it so easy to tell when something is bothering him ! He has been quite different lately - quiet, and almost withdrawn - there is something big on his mind - and while he is quite amazing when it comes to pulling me out of my funk - I can not say the same ! I struggle to know how to be what he needs - I so desperately want to wrap my arms around him and make everything all better. Yesterday was Jim's dads birthday and while I pride myself on knowing dates - somehow this escaped me (maybe it was the incredible amount of pain I was in after spending 8 hours at the ER till 5am, or maybe it was the 6 kids running and screaming, or maybe it was just my own selfishness) There is no excuse, I messed up !And while I know that his dad's birthday was hard on him, I know that he is continuing to have a hard time right now with the approaching holidays - this is the first major event to have come and gone without his dad and my heart breaks for him right now. I have been where he is and know the deep sadness that can fill your heart during the holidays when you have to spend them without someone who belongs with you. I really want to be the support that Jim turns to, I want to be the rock for him that he has been for me so many times. I love my husband more than I could ever put into words and never want to see him hurt, but I feel like this is a pain that I will never be able to take away. Jim and I used to joke when we first started dating that we wished it was possible just wish away each other's prior hurts ( we both had somewhat rough childhoods ) Right now I find myself wishing that I could take this away, that I could wave a magic wand and all of the hurt would be gone, or at least that I would have been a better wife, that I would have been more intentional about us visiting his dad while he was still here, but neither of these things are possible. I need to move forward and be there for my husband, I hope and pray that Jim can talk to someone even if it is not me, and that he can find comfort in his family and in the Lord. It seems as if the last few months have been rough for our small group (everyone seems to be mourning the loss of a loved one ) Recently my friend Becky (who lost her mom a year ago) posted a blog that has helped me to view death a little differently, yes it really hurts but imagine being there to celebrate your birthday with the Lord - or even being in the Lord's presence on a daily basis ! I hope that Jim can be comforted knowing that his father is in a better place, no longer in pain and that he can take comfort knowing that he has a wife here who is willing to do anything to ease his pain.