Thanks

As I sit here typing this - I can't believe that it is the day before Thanksgiving! Where has the time gone? Before I know it Christmas will be upon us and gone ! So I am making a decision right now to enjoy the next month ! I am going to be intentional about trying to make the most of every moment ! I want to take it all in before it is gone - I do not want to spend another New Year's Day wondering where the holidays went- and how I seemed to have missed them !

I am starting today - On the eve of Thanksgiving - I have so many blessings to be incredibly thankful for. Lately, I have been taking many of them for granted - I have complained quite a bit, and acted in a not so nice manner to many people around me, mostly my husband, so I apologize to all that I have treated like crap and pray that you can forgive me. I will not dwell any longer on my negativity, but instead I will focus on the many things that I have to be thankful for.

I have the most amazing husband, wonderful children, and an extended family that is insane but awesome, I have some of the greatest friends a girl could ask for, I have been blessed more than I deserve and I am so grateful for all that I have.

I hope that I can truly slow down and enjoy this holiday season - the kids are growing so fast - when they look back I don't want them to feel rushed, I want for them to say that they truly had some amazing holidays with their families and
friends!

This New Year when I sit back and reflect on all that happened over the course of the next month or so, I want to remember the smiles, the laughter, even the tears, I want to remember snuggling up under a blanket with 3 kids on my lap, watching Christmas movies, I want to remember the smell of all of the baking, and the taste of the hot chocolate, I want to remember the sounds of the holiday music that fills not only my home but my heart. This year I want to look back and think to myself - wow, I really am thankful for that incredible month, where everything was just a little closer to perfect!

Concern

Most of you who know my husband - know that Jim is not the most serious person in the world - heck, he may just be the least serious person I know. He is full of jokes and incredibly optimistic, quite the contrast to his pessimistic wife, but somehow we make things work! It is all of his quirks and personality that make it so easy to tell when something is bothering him ! He has been quite different lately - quiet, and almost withdrawn - there is something big on his mind - and while he is quite amazing when it comes to pulling me out of my funk - I can not say the same ! I struggle to know how to be what he needs - I so desperately want to wrap my arms around him and make everything all better. Yesterday was Jim's dads birthday and while I pride myself on knowing dates - somehow this escaped me (maybe it was the incredible amount of pain I was in after spending 8 hours at the ER till 5am, or maybe it was the 6 kids running and screaming, or maybe it was just my own selfishness) There is no excuse, I messed up !And while I know that his dad's birthday was hard on him, I know that he is continuing to have a hard time right now with the approaching holidays - this is the first major event to have come and gone without his dad and my heart breaks for him right now. I have been where he is and know the deep sadness that can fill your heart during the holidays when you have to spend them without someone who belongs with you. I really want to be the support that Jim turns to, I want to be the rock for him that he has been for me so many times. I love my husband more than I could ever put into words and never want to see him hurt, but I feel like this is a pain that I will never be able to take away. Jim and I used to joke when we first started dating that we wished it was possible just wish away each other's prior hurts ( we both had somewhat rough childhoods ) Right now I find myself wishing that I could take this away, that I could wave a magic wand and all of the hurt would be gone, or at least that I would have been a better wife, that I would have been more intentional about us visiting his dad while he was still here, but neither of these things are possible. I need to move forward and be there for my husband, I hope and pray that Jim can talk to someone even if it is not me, and that he can find comfort in his family and in the Lord. It seems as if the last few months have been rough for our small group (everyone seems to be mourning the loss of a loved one ) Recently my friend Becky (who lost her mom a year ago) posted a blog that has helped me to view death a little differently, yes it really hurts but imagine being there to celebrate your birthday with the Lord - or even being in the Lord's presence on a daily basis ! I hope that Jim can be comforted knowing that his father is in a better place, no longer in pain and that he can take comfort knowing that he has a wife here who is willing to do anything to ease his pain.

Happy 9th Birthday Mackenzie Maura !

Nine whole years have passed since I gave birth to an amazing little girl. The fact that Mackenzie just celebrated her 9th birthday makes me feel old, I was a whopping 19 years old when she was born. She has come a long way from the 5lb 5oz 17 inch baby that spent 2 weeks in the NICU. She has brought so much joy and happiness to my life and is such an amazing girl, I can't wait to see the woman that she grows into, but as I reflect on the last nine years - I want so badly for her to stay "my baby". She really makes Jim and I proud to be her parents ! Happy Birthday Princess - you are my life and I would be nothing without you !!! Here are a few pictures of Mackenzie through out the years !