Kentucky !

Jim and I are fortunate enough to have family that LOVES our kids !!!! 2 of my aunts, who do not have children of their own, are always taking our kids places. They usually take them for long weekends, 2 non consecutive weeks over the summer to go camping, over Christmas vacation (for a few days), for weekend trips to dog shows (one of my aunts is a breeder and has several show dogs) and for a couple other reasons here and there. Recently my aunt needed to pick up a puppy in Kentucky, and thought it would be a great reason to take the kids for 3 days. The kids left Thursday night and drove down to Kentucky with my aunts, they stayed in a hotel, went to the Kentucky Horse Park, took a tour of the Kentucky River on the Dixie Belle, and got to help pick out the new puppy !! I don't know too much about their trip because I was not there, but the kids can't stop talking about it and the pictures are super cute !! Looks like they had fun!

TAG !

So, tag I guess I'm it!! My friend Sara aka http://odd-dotty.typepad.com/ tagged me....so here we go! I'm supposed to come up with 'Six Random Things About Me' and post it. I'm horrible at this stuff !

Here are the rules:
1. Link to the person who tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Write six random things about yourself.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post. (I don't know HOW I will do this!).
5. Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know your entry is up.

That's it. Let the fun begin...

1. I am afraid of the dark - but it has to be completely dark in order for me to fall asleep - how is that for strange?

2. I am OCD when it comes to deodorant - I need to apply my deodorant 17 times to each arm pit - I am super paranoid of BO

3. I have never bought one of my kids Halloween costumes - I enjoy making their costumes so much - that I have actually made costumes that ended up costing more than if I would have just bought them

4. I used to not be able to pronounce shoulders - every time I tried to say it, it would come out soldiers !!! Weird huh ?

5. Someone just rang my doorbell - not expecting anyone !!!! - That was very random wrong house !

6. I was accepted to Harvard my Junior Year of High School - this is the one thing about myself I allow myself to brag about (so I guess I could be a part of the awesome club - is there any room left with all of your big heads ????) But anyway, they sent a rep to my HS and presented me with this framed award and certificate for admission and it was really strange because the HS called a special assembly for it. and that was the only thing they had for the assembly so it was very awkward for me, and it was not planned so we all got down to the auditorium and they called me up on stage !!! Very WEIRD !!!!

So there you have it - 6 random things about me ! How bout you?

WISH YOU WERE HERE !!!!

I have struggled with depression on and off for some time now, and have finally come to the realization that despite my desire to no longer be "depressed" I will probably always be just that. I have taken myself off of my medications more times than I care to count, only to find myself right back in that hole of despair. I long to be well, and not with the assistance of medication or a counselor. But I have a disease, a scientifically proven disease (and despite what Tom Cruise and his "medical degree" may say, it will not just go away with exercise and vitamins) a disease that like others could be fatal if not treated properly. Now I know you may think that this seems a little extreme, but for me my depression has gotten so severe that I can honestly say that it has at times felt as if living were no longer an option. I know, it is not cancer, but for me I know that left untreated I am asking for trouble. Much like a person with diabetes would not do well without their meds, because their body is not properly functioning; I too am not functioning properly and I need my meds. I know this, I have been told this several times, but I still have to talk myself into taking that pill every morning. I do not like being dependent on anything, but I am trying to approach this from a different angle, lately when it comes time to take my meds, I tell myself my family needs this (my family is dependent on this) So far it is working, I have been feeling much better lately, dare I even say happy. Yeah, I still have times where it feels as if I am fighting a losing battle, that the weight is too much to carry, and that it is too overwhelming to even begin to explain. I still get stressed (my husband's job is really testing my patience) and I still get angry, but I think things up till now have been turning around greatly since December (when I had to go to the ER because I could not trust myself to be alone without thinking seriously about hurting myself) I have been enjoying life and look forward to doing things with my family and friends, which is a huge difference from the person I was less than a year ago.

With all of that being said, I am feeling myself begin to struggle again - September is the worst month for me emotionally. Every year, September is literally HELL for me !!! My father and grandmother both have passed and both have September birthdays, my father also died on Sept. 28th. I don't understand why these events are still so horrible for me. I often feel like a child - "it's not fair, why me, why them ?" Get over it already! As I sit here typing this, it is my Grandmother's birthday. I am mad - mad as hell that I can not celebrate her 80th birthday with her. She was the most amazing woman ever - I can not begin to express all that she did for me. Long story short, my mother was an unwed teenage mom who had problems of her own to deal with (she has struggled with substance abuse for my entire life) My gram made sure that despite that fact I had a true childhood - she took such great care of me and loved me deeper than I could have ever asked for or deserved. There is not a day that goes by that I don't miss her. I wish my children could meet her (Mackenzie was 6 months olds when she passed), I wish that Jim would have been able to get to know her (they met when we were children, but she had passed by the time we started dating), I truly just wish she was here.

My feelings are quite the opposite for my father. As I said, my mom was an unwed teenager when she got pregnant, and my father could not be bothered with a child at that point. He was addicted to heroine, and that was the most important thing in his life. I grew up 6 blocks from my father in the same neighborhood and never remember meeting him. The only time I remember seeing my father he was in a casket (he contracted HIV from sharing needles and died of AIDS when I was 14). While he was sick my dad tried to set up a meeting with me and my mom (they remained friends till he died) and I wanted nothing to do with him. I am full of questions, I am full of regret, I should have been the bigger person, I should have taken that opportunity to get to know my father. Still I wish he was here !

I feel like these things should make me a little sad, but every September I am consumed with grief, as if they just passed. I should be comforted knowing that they are home in the loving arms of an amazing God, that they no longer suffer from cancer or addiction, that my father has been forgiven for all of his wrongs; but somehow I long to be with them - the depression creeps in and I find all of it too hard to handle. Life gets really hard, and I don't want to do it anymore, and I just want to be there with them! I know that I have a family here that I need to care for and I am doing better than years past, but the thoughts are still there.

How do I escape? My husband is an amazing support for me and I am trying to turn to God more than I have in the past. I am praying for strength, for peace of mind, and for comfort. I am praying for God to heal my wounded heart, and I am thanking Him for the amazing gifts He has provided for me. I am trying to turn the negative thoughts into positive - Thank you God for allowing me to have such an amazing, beautiful woman to raise me, and thank you for providing a loving father for me in Jesus, someone I can turn to in all times, whose sacrifice for me was far greater than any earthly father. I stumbled upon this passage from the bible this morning - ...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. (Isaiah 61:3) I think it fit perfectly and gives me such immense hope.

Health Issues

The other day I made a doctors appointment for all of the kids - we have bounced around from Dr. to Dr. since moving out here and I finally found a well recommended pediatrician, and since it is officially back to school time, I figured it was time for some check ups. The day before our appointment all 3 kids came down with a horrible cold, perfect timing ! We arrived at the office and registered ( i must tell you all that this doctor's office was amazing ! The kids loved the waiting room - one of the nurses came out and put on Shrek for the kids, they were in Heaven) We only waited a few minutes before being called back, and the nurses were super friendly! They let each of the kids play with the scale, bp cuff, and thermometer, this eased a lot of Keiran's fears - she wants to be a doctor now when she grows up. The doctor came in and talked to all of the kids, he talked to me about home schooling the kids, and was super supportive.

Keiran was the first to be checked, which always makes me nervous, but she was great. He asked the dreaded question though. "Are her immunizations up to date?" They are not, Keiran had a horrible reaction to her 12 month immunizations and has not had any since, her leg swelled to double its normal size and she had a golf ball size lump at the injection site for 2 months, plus a 104 degree fever for 3 days. I explained this to the doctor, expecting to be yelled at or pressured into having her immunized - he did none of that, his actual words were "I understand, we can explore this again when she is a little older." He checked her lungs and determined that Keiran has asthma - a mild case but asthma none the less - she has been on steroids for the last week - we stop those in 3 days, and she is now on a daily nasal inhaler.

Mackenzie was next - Now, I told her that she would not need any immunizations before we got there (it used to be Kindergarten and then 5th grade) Starting this year they have recommended that children get a 2nd dose of the chicken pox vaccine and a Hep A series, so that meant 2 shots for Mackenzie. Mackenzie does not handle shots well, but she was a champ - a few tears were shed but she did well. She has a inner and middle ear infection in both ears and a sinus infection.

Aodhan was the last to be checked - I knew he was in for a few shots (he is entering Kindergarten) The doctor checked Aodhan and was concerned about some breathing patterns he exhibited, and the size of his tonsils and adenoids. He asked if he was a snorer - Yes a very loud snorer !! He is concerned that Aodhan has sleep apnea (Jim has sleep apnea) Aodhan will see an ENT specialist, who will decide if it would be best for them to take his adenoids and tonsils out (the Dr said he thinks this will be the best solution, but wants an ENT opinion too). He also got 5 shots and had blood drawn - he was a strong little trooper though and did pretty well, all though he broke my heart when he told me "Momma, I love you so much will you please just take me out of here before they come back with the shots, please just take me home!"

I was very excited to finally find an incredible pediatrician that seems to fit our family. The Dr. was so nice and really took his time with all of the kids, he laughed and joked around with them, and really took the time to talk to them getting to know them. It just really stinks to find out that your kids have health issues. Please keep the kids in your thoughts and prayers. I know that the asthma is not super serious but I hope it is something she outgrows rather than gets worse, and I hope that Aodhan's pending surgery goes just as smoothly as possible and his recovery is quick!

Homecoming 08

No, not a football game. Homecoming Montgomery style ! This past weekend was one of the biggest events ever at CCC-Montgomery! Over 300 people gathered together to have a giant party, called Homecoming 2008! It was a tremendous success. There was an actual pig roast, a DJ, a face painting and tattoo station, 2 bounce houses, a clothes pin drop, pick a lollipop, a dunk tank, and a family competition.

Jim and I spent a few hours painting faces and giving tattoos (temporary) to almost all of the kids. Butterflies were a huge hit with the girls and Darth Maul was a favorite for the boys. The kids ran around and played all of the games with their friends. They spent a considerable amount of time in the bounce houses(Keiran was too funny, she would only go in the princess house - because the sports one "was for stinky boys") There was a giant pot luck picnic, complete with shredded pig, which tasted incredible, but I must admit I had a hard time eating.

The dunk tank was a huge hit. Several of the church leaders took turns being dunked by almost everyone there. Our good friend Carter spent some time in the tank - and talked a little trash to all of the kids in line - his trash talking did no good though - he went in on the first throw from a little 5 year old girl !!! Another good friend of ours, and StuCo director Tim Raad also spent a considerable amount of time in the tank - mostly under water. I have seen dunk tanks before, but I have never seen one draw the kind of crowd Tim drew. There was a considerable line, mostly full of students, waiting to dunk Tim ! Only a few seconds passed before the conspiring started - regardless of whether or not Tim got knocked in, the students were going to get him in one way or another. It started with one student throwing at the target while another student stood behind the tank ready to pull the arm if the student missed their mark. That approach lasted a few minutes before they decided that they would just run up and punch the target, knocking Tim in almost as soon as he sat back down! I have never seen anyone spend that much time under water! It was pretty hilarious. Several other people were subjected to the torture of the dunk tank, including lead pastor, Dave Ferguson. Eventually it turned in to an all out water fight between students and leaders, if you were within 10 feet of the tank you were getting soaked!

There was also a little friendly family competition. The family competition consisted of a twinkie and ho ho eating contest, a balloon popping relay, a blindfolded fill the empty gallon relay, and a paper airplane making and flying contest. We upped the stakes a little for bragging rights, 3 of the families in our small group competed to see who would score the most points. The first event consisted of one team member holding an empty gallon about 30 feet from the other team members, while the other members (blindfolded) filled a cup with water and raced to the other end to fill the empty gallon. The next event was a twinkie and ho ho eating contest in which you were unable to use your hands, 2 team members competed in this one, one person had to eat a twinkie as fast as they could followed by another team member eating a ho ho. This was much tougher than it sounds for all but one student, Mitch was able to swallow a ho ho whole !!! Next came the balloon pop - each team had to relay to pop 4 balloons. The first team member had to tie a balloon to their waist, run to the empty chair and pop the balloon by sitting on it. The next team member could not start tying their balloon to their waist until the previous player made it back! The final event of the competition was a paper airplane making and flying contest in which each team had 2 minutes to make and fly a paper airplane as far as possible - Team Bard decided that since it was never specifically stated that your entry had to resemble a plane we would test the rules. Jim and Trevor (an honorary Bard) balled up our paper and threw it - we were disqualified from that portion of the contest!!!! Team StuCo (yes they are a family) won the competition. They were rewarded with a PIG TROPHY ! And as for that small group competition, none of our families scored ANY points - I guess we are just all so awesome there couldn't be one winner.

It was an incredible afternoon. The Montgomery team did a phenomenal job ! I think everyone there had a great time, I know we did !!!!

Reflections of another Summer gone

Well, Labor Day weekend has past, and so has the unofficial end to Summer!! I have been dreading this since Summer began. It feels as if the older I get the quicker the years pass (especially Summer). I know that people often say that time flies, but this Summer really did fly by.

I did not have such high expectations for this Summer, it was a Summer with no set plans, no vacation, no real weekends - man this Summer would be one of the worst !! So, I was pleasantly surprised when it turned out to be one of the most memorable Summers we have spent as a family !

The Summer of 2008 was very eventful for our family, and I feel as if we have grown so much closer. We have had some major schedule changes with Jim's new job (he now works every Saturday and is off one day during the week) I was less than thrilled with the idea of losing our weekends but it turned out ok - we have become very intentional about spending the day he is off together (this is what we are calling family fun day), we probably have ended up doing more together than we would have during the weekends.

So just what made the Summer of 2008 so awesome - well here are a few things - I know I'm forgetting stuff !

~Camping - one of our favorite activities - we took a few trips this Summer - One with the Moberly's, one with our small group, and one with just our family ! GREAT TIMES !!!

~Kenny Chesney Concert (this is a Summer tradition Jim and I started 4 years ago with Mackenzie - We added Aodhan into the mix 2 years ago - and I am looking forward to next Summer being able to bring Keiran along)

~T-Ball - Jim and I put together and coached t-ball for the kids. We had a great time and I think the kids did too. We even had an end of the season BBQ and awards ceremony!

~4th of July weekend - we had a great time hanging out with all of our friends

~Keiran turned 3 !! - This was a bitter sweet moment for me - she is my last baby and 3 just sounds so old, but I am looking forward to the next stage

~Quality and Quantity time alone (WITHOUT KIDS) - Jim and I got to spend 2 non-consecutive weeks together this Summer without the kids (they went on a few camping trips with my aunts, who have no kids of their own) Yes, I missed them horribly, but Jim and I really got a chance to reconnect and spend an incredible amount of time together that was mostly stress free and quiet !!

~2 block parties - a growing up in Chicago tradition revisited with my kids

~The Water park - We made countless trips to the water park this Summer - watching the kids in the water is amazing - They are like fish, and Aodhan has no fear of anything - he does the drop slide into 12 ft water and swims like a champ !

~Day trips to Chicago - We still have tons of family that lives in the city - and so we often take a drive to Chicago and head back later that night - this is so much nicer to do when it is Summer and you don't have to worry about the kids and school work the next day and it is light so much later. We hit a few museums, the rain forest cafe, and some other places I'm forgetting right now

~Junior High Camp - Jim and I had the incredible experience of leading at StuCo's Junior High Camp this summer. All I can say is that it was an incredibly powerful, amazing week

~The Jonas Brother's Concert - Do you know what 35,000 screaming girls sounds like ? Well I do ! This is also another bit of a tradition for me ( I have been to a New Kids on the Block concert when I was 9 - I took my sister and cousins, 9 years younger than me, to see Hanson and N Sync) and now, I got to share in Mackenzie's joy as she experienced the Jonas Brothers - We went with my good friend Becky and her 2 daughters - and the girls had screams of pure joy - It was great getting to make my daughter that happy (well I'm sure it had more to do with the Jonas Brothers than me actually taking her )

~Just hanging out with friends and family and having a great time

It really was an amazing Summer - I feel relaxed and refreshed! I must admit there were a few things I did not get to, but I can live with it I am pretty happy with the Summer I had. Now I just have to gear myself up for the weather change that is in store soon !